Steve (skippythec) wrote,

A Look Back at Anger

I just wrote my bio for the program of our new sketch show:

Steve Ruggiero never got to be in any plays when he was younger, so of course he performs live theatre now during his second adolescence.  Steve was a happy, financially secure adult capable of engaging in emotionally supportive relationships until he lost his career, house and wife during Christmas of 2007.  Now he spends his time acting to heal a crippled heart, hiding from any real sense of responsibility and bartending to pay the bills.

Given the theme of our show the idea was to be pissy, not to sugar-coat anything like you normally would in a bio or resume.  So someone might say that they've wasted thousands of dollars on improv classes when it's factually true that they've spent a lot of money on classes, but they may or may not really feel like it was wasted.  Mine is very real and conveys more sadness than bitterness, although I sometimes feel a lot of both.  I don't always feel this way about my situation, but reading it really makes me question how much of these feelings influence my behavior under the surface.  Especially the part about hiding from any real sense of responsibility.  Do I really do that?  Is that part of the reason why I refuse to get a "real" job?  Not being reliably employed frees me up to do many of the things I love, but is there a part of me that is rejecting responsibility?  I think so.  I also think it's part of why I'm avoiding any kind of relationship and almost all intimacy.  It's fucked up.  It's fucking me up.  I need the things that I am rejecting!  To heal!  In order to heal I need the things I am rejecting.  Am I rejecting the healing itself?

Fucking three years later and I am just now asking myself this.

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment